After becoming debt-free and saving a significant amount of money, I wanted to grow my savings. The best way I knew how was to invest it. Regardless of which asset I analysed, each of them carried significant risk—some more than others. Considering I was homeless and without any money before I cleaned up my financial house, I was very wary about making bad financial decisions. I didn’t want to lose a cent.
At the time, I thought that investing was the most important decision I would make about money. It wasn’t. Using my money to start a business was also risky, but there was a bigger risk that I hadn’t thought of.
Falling in love is an incredible experience, and spending the rest of your life with somebody special seems like a blessing. Initially, it is, but choosing the wrong person to marry or as a lifelong partner can have devastating consequences. Not only can you suffer emotional torment, but financial, too.
Choose Your Spouse/Partner Carefully
The person you divorce is not the person you married. When couples separate, it’s usually not on amicable terms. Even if it is, one of the spouses wants to extract as many resources from the other, while the wealthier spouse wants to protect his/her resources. When they’re not able to reach an agreement, the courts intervene.
In most cases, the man gets the short end of the stick in divorce settlements. Sure, there are cases where the woman earns more than the man, and she has to make payments to him. But with most divorced couples, the man loses some or most of his assets, and he has to pay child support and alimony. Sometimes, the mother gets custody of the children while the father pays for them.
Financial and Other Consequences of Choosing the Wrong Partner
If you default on your child support or alimony payments, you can go to jail. Some men have spent years in jail for those reasons and later discovered that they weren’t the child’s biological father. If you want a preview of the extent of damage a man can suffer in a divorce, visit a family court and be a spectator.
You’ll see a man lose a share of the business that he built, his dignity and perhaps even his children.
You can spend your whole life building a financially successful life, and all of it can be in ruins when you choose the wrong spouse. And you might not even need to get divorced to suffer financially. Your spouse could spend your money while you’re married. She may demand exotic holidays, shopping sprees and an expensive car.
Protect Yourself At All Times
As the referee says to two boxers before the fight, “Protect yourself at all times,” so should you. That means extensively vetting your potential lifelong partner. The best way I found to vet people I want to be in a relationship with is to live with them. You only learn about a person’s character and personality once you share a living space twenty-four-seven.
You’ll find out if they leave the towel on the floor after showering. You’ll learn their sleeping habits, and you’ll definitely discover their financial expectations of you. When you do, prepare a budget based on maths and not emotion. That means, look at the lifestyle your partner expects and see if you can afford it. Don’t let love blinders prevent you from seeing the actual numbers. If you can’t afford the lifestyle your partner expects, communicate it to them.
If your partner gambles, uses drugs or spends uncontrollably, they will drag you down with them. Inevitably, they will expect you to fund their habit.
It is absolutely crucial that you and your spouse-to-be/lifelong partner have the same financial values. Your financial goals need to be aligned, and the better money manager should be in charge of the finances.
If you have decided that your partner is a suitable spouse but you still want to protect your assets, you can request a prenuptial agreement. This is especially useful for people who have a significantly higher net worth than their partners.
Broaching the topic of a prenuptial agreement can be uncomfortable, but it’s better to go through that awkwardness than to lose your assets in a divorce. Most people getting married don’t plan to divorce, but it can happen. You don’t get house insurance hoping something will happen to your dwelling, but you do everything in your power to protect it.
Marriage isn’t the only way a partner can have legal access to your assets. Many countries have cohabitation laws, entitling the two parties to share assets after living together for a certain period.
Partners Who Are In Debt
Financially savvy people have worked hard to reach stability or even financial freedom through being good money managers, and the last thing they want is for somebody to ruin their finances. Since they’re debt-free, they wonder if they should accept a partner who is in debt.
Essentially, their debt becomes your debt if you marry them. I think it’s important that they are paying it and can use their own income to pay it off during your marriage. If possible, wait until they have paid off their debt before the wedding day.
Final Thoughts
You work hard for your money, and you should do everything in your power to protect it. Don’t let feelings get in the way of making financially intelligent decisions. Do proper vetting to ensure that the person you’re going to share your money with shares your values and is the least likely to be the cause of your financial demise.
Your partner should support you, enabling you to earn more money, and not be a leech looking to extract as many resources from you without offering anything.
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